Emotion management tips

Emotion management has never been about "quitting emotions" or "suppressing feelings." The core essence is only two sentences - find an outlet for emotions without hurting others, and leave a buffer space of 3 seconds for stress reactions. All useful tips are based on these two points.

You must have had this kind of moment: Someone stepped on the new shoes you just bought on the subway during the morning rush hour. Not only did the person not apologize, but he rolled his eyes.； After spending three nights revising the plan, the leader glanced at it and shot him back, saying, "No brainer."” ； Even the delivery was overdue for half an hour, half of the soup was spilled, and even the side dishes were spilled in the bag. The fire "surges" up in a flash, and either it breaks out on the spot and regrets it later, or it can be held in the heart for a long time, and it can't be motivated to do anything.

A few years ago, my friend who works as a psychological counselor taught me a small trick that is easiest to implement. It is based on the core logic of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): carry a small object with a special touch with you, such as frosted walnuts, a raised decompression ball, or even a wavy hair tie. Don't speak or make a decision the first time you get emotional. Hold the thing in your hand and squeeze it for 3 seconds. The rough touch on your fingertips will immediately pull you out of the "fight-or-flight response" that is taken over by your emotional brain, and you will not follow your instinct to say hurtful words or make impulsive decisions. There used to be a young salesperson in my department. Last month, the cooperation negotiation with a customer fell apart. He turned around and typed his resignation letter in Word. He held the Lego figure hanging on his key for half a minute. Suddenly he remembered that he had dinner with this customer last week. He said that his son, who had just entered elementary school, was diagnosed with severe allergies. Recently, he had to go to the hospital every day. Later, he took the initiative to offer a cigarette to the customer, only to find out that the customer had just finished arguing with his wife in the morning. In the end, not only was the cooperation completed, the customer also introduced two new orders to him.

Of course, some people think that this method is too troublesome and they have to carry something with them. People with poor memory will forget where to put it when they turn around. Then the mindfulness school of thought may be more suitable for you. There is no need to engage in rituals such as sitting cross-legged and meditating. When you get emotional, just treat yourself as a bystander. There is no need to scold yourself, "What is there to be angry about over such a trivial matter?" Just quietly "observe" your emotions: Oh, my heartbeat is faster now, my temples are a bit swollen, and my chest is congested. So this is what it feels like to be angry? Last time I worked on a project until two o'clock in the morning, Party A suddenly sent a message saying that the previously planned direction was all wrong and that it would be overturned and revised. I stared at the screen with tears in my eyes. I spent a minute counting my breaths. When I exhaled, I counted 1, and when I inhaled, I counted 2. When I counted to the 19th time, I suddenly realized: I feel aggrieved now. It's not that this plan really can't be changed. I turned to the kitchen and poured a cup of hot milk. When I came back to correct it, I felt less resistant. However, there is currently controversy over this method in the industry. Many impatient people have reported that they cannot calm down and count their breaths when they are emotional. The more they count, the more annoying they become, which is counterproductive.

If you also have this kind of character that can't calm down, you can try the physical release method, which has become very popular among Internet practitioners and sales circles recently. The core is not to be stubborn with your emotions, but first let out the energy accumulated in your body. Several of my friends who work in operations would jump up the stairs for 30 seconds when they were criticized by Party A, or clenched their fists and unclenched them ten times, or even punched the air twice. In half a minute, most of the anger was gone. Of course, many psychology practitioners feel that this method is too "treating the symptoms but not the root cause". It can only relieve the current emotions and cannot adjust the cognition at the root. However, it has to be said that when dealing with the strong emotions that burst out in an instant, the somatic method is indeed much faster than the previous two methods. There is no need to pursue "resolving the root cause". If you can overcome the current hurdle first, you have already won most of the victory.

To be honest, I used to think that managing my emotions meant being “invisible” and swallowing all my emotions. However, last year when I had a physical examination and found breast nodules, the doctor’s first words were “Don’t be sulky and don’t hold everything in”. Later, after talking to friends in the psychology industry, I learned that deliberately suppressing emotions is the most harmful to the body. You feel that you are "under control" at the moment, but in fact, those emotions are stored in your body. Sooner or later, you will find an opening to explode, which will either damage your body or explode one day when you can't bear it anymore, which will make it more difficult to end.

I still carry the small frosted walnut that a friend gave me a few years ago in my bag. Sometimes I squeeze it when I get emotional. Sometimes I’m too lazy to hold it so I go to the convenience store downstairs to buy a popsicle and chew it. Even occasionally, when I encounter something particularly annoying, I will ask a friend to curse a few curse words. There is no perfect way to manage emotions. Emotions are a part of your body. If you go against it, it will of course make trouble with you. If you give it a step, it will wander around twice and then go away, right?