Emotion management cards

Emotion management cards are never a healing tool used to "eliminate negative emotions". They are essentially a portable "emotional brake" that helps you avoid making regretful decisions during the 30-second golden buffer period above your emotions.

The first card I made was particularly sloppy. It was when I was working on the Q3 project last year. I stayed up three nights in a row. As soon as I arrived at the company in the morning, I received a WeChat message from the product manager, saying that all the versions I had worked on all night long would be overturned and revised. I was so angry that I had already placed my fingers on the input box. I typed half of the words "Are you sick?" and I glanced at the sticky note on the frame of the monitor. Three words were written on it: Wait 10 minutes.

The day before, I complained to a friend that I always spoke impulsively and offended people. She casually wrote and posted it on me. I stared at these three words for 5 seconds and deleted all the typed words. I went to the tea room to get a glass of ice water. After I came back, I calmed down and thought about it. The reason for the change in demand was because the customer's policy had changed. The product had also sent a notice to the docking group more than half an hour in advance. I just stayed up late and didn't read the message. Thinking about it now, if those words had been spoken at that time, it would have been embarrassing for at least half a month.

Now you can find a bunch of templates for emotion management cards by browsing Xiaohongshu. They all require you to fill them out in the format of "Emotional Naming - Triggering Events - Rational Solutions". I did it once, and it was very neatly written. I even copied the ABC theory of the cognitive behavioral school on the back, but I threw it away after half a month of use. The last time my mother called me to urge me to go on a blind date, it made me furious. I took out the card and read it, "Trigger point: interference in private life, solution: clear communication boundaries." I thought it was outrageous at the time - I was so angry that my temples were beating, what boundaries should I communicate? I just want to hang up the phone for half an hour.

Later, I talked about this with a friend who was doing psychological counseling. She was doing ACT Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. She took out her emotion card and showed it to me. I laughed out loud on the spot - it was just ordinary access card-sized cardboard with a crooked pink pig drawn on the front and not a single word on the back. She said that colleagues in the cognitive behavioral school do advocate making the cards rational enough, which is equivalent to writing down your thoughts when you are calm, and just do the same when you are emotional, but she does not think it is necessary. "When you are emotional, you have no strength to be rational at all. As long as it can pull you out of the state of 'I am going to explode' for half a second, it is enough." A while ago, she was temporarily put off by a visitor. She was so angry that she wanted to block the person in the consultation room. She took out the card and looked at the ugly pig. She suddenly laughed, half of her anger gone.

Some people also say that this thing is a tool for self-PUA: It is obviously someone else's fault, why should I hold it in? I felt the same way before, until last month when I was working on a project with a colleague, it turned out that he had leaked data and caused problems with the entire plan. I couldn't help but throw the folder in front of most of the office. In the end, the leaders gave me 50 points each, and I was deducted the perfect attendance award for the month. Later, I pulled out the card I had in my pocket at the time, and it said, "Don't punish yourself for other people's mistakes." I suddenly realized: I wasn't enduring it, I just didn't want to pay my perfect attendance award just to lighten the fire, and leave an impression of "emotional instability," which was not worth it.

I currently have three cards stuffed in my bag all year round. They are all cut from random cardboard, with uneven edges. They are a little smaller than bank cards and don’t take up much space wherever I carry them. The first one was red, with a line of crooked words written on the front: "Forgot the WeChat message your dad sent you last time you slammed the door? ”, on the back is a screenshot of the message he sent to me in the middle of the night after we had an argument with my dad last year, saying, "The porridge is warm in the pot, don't be hungry when you come back." Now, as long as I am so angry that I'm shaking all over, I take out this card and take a look, I can swallow the hurtful words on my lips within 30 seconds at most. The second one is yellow, with just five words on it: "Go buy an American style with ice." It's for minor annoyances that aren't that serious - someone stepped on someone's foot on the subway, the customer was not satisfied even after the third change to the plan, and the boss caught me trying to fish for something at work. When I took it out and took a look, I realized there was no need to contend with such a trivial matter. After get off work, I bought a glass of American style with ice, and it was over after a couple of sips. The third one was blue, with the front and back completely blank. When I really felt like I couldn't deal with it, I just found a corner and wrote a few sentences. Last month, I was cheated out of a commission by my partner. I squatted on the steps downstairs of the company and wrote "This idiot will go bankrupt next year." After writing, I threw it into the trash can. I got up, patted my pants and went to deal with the next client. I didn't even worry about it for long.

There is really no need to make the cards like a notebook, filled with stickers and patterns. A colleague of mine made emotional cards that were so exquisite that they could be used as bookmarks. When I had a quarrel with a client, I took them out and looked through them for three minutes without finding the corresponding "solution." In the end, I couldn't help but choked. Useful cards never need to be complicated. They can even be ghost symbols you draw at random, emoticons of your idols, or lines you like. As long as you can be stunned from the whirlpool of emotions for the second you see them, that's enough.

This morning when I was squeezing on the subway, someone touched me and I spilled half a cup of soy milk on my white shirt. I just frowned and wanted to curse, but my fingertips touched the red card in my pocket. I suddenly smiled and said "It's okay" to the other person. I went downstairs to buy another glass of iced soy milk. It was not noticeable even after wiping my shirt. My work all morning was not affected at all.

You see, it’s just this kind of thing, but there are so many profound truths.