The difference between parenting and child health is

The difference between parenting and children's health is that the former is a full-dimensional dynamic practice covering family decision-making, parenting behavior, and cognitive guidance, while the latter is a standardized reference system for measuring children's physical and psychological development status. The former has no single correct answer, while the latter has a clear baseline for medical judgment.

To be honest, when I was attending community child care clinics in the past two years, I encountered too many parents who tied these two things to death. What impressed me the most was the mother of a middle-school kid. She came in with her baby, whose face was red from coughing, and she reflected on herself: “It’s all my fault that I took him to the amusement park last week and sweated him out, and bought him ice cream. Was it because I was too careless in parenting that he got sick? ”

You see, this is a typical confusion between the two. From the perspective of children's health, my child's cold is the result of cross-infection in kindergarten and the prevalence of respiratory syncytial virus. The blood test showed no bacterial infection, and there is no problem with the lungs. Take some cough medicine and drink plenty of water at home, and you will be fine in a week. The judgment criteria are very clear, and it has nothing to do with whether you eat ice cream or whether you go to an amusement park for half a dime. But when it comes to parenting, there are too many choices: Should we go to less crowded places during the epidemic season next time? Do you need to persuade the old man who is determined not to let his baby touch the ice? After the baby is healed, should he take more physical fitness classes to enhance his resistance? Whether or not you should even send a message to the teacher to remind you to wipe your baby's sweat more often? There is no standard answer to these matters, which need to be weighed based on your own circumstances. This is the scope of parenting.

Another mother I met at a free clinic a while ago brought this confusion to the forefront. Her child is only 3 and a half years old and can only speak repeated words. After we did the screening, we ruled out autism spectrum problems and simple language development delay. The suggestion was to do more situational input at home every day and language rehabilitation training twice a week - this is a clear intervention path given by children's health. But the next thing is completely a multiple-choice question about parenting: Should the mother resign and stay at home to practice with her all day long, or should she leave it to the elderly to take care of the baby and go to an institution every day? Should I stop enrolling in the English introductory class to make time? Do you want to resist the pressure from grandma that "you'll have to wait until the time comes" and insist on doing rehabilitation? Or even whether you should have a few quarrels with your husband who holds objections over this matter? These are all pieces of cake and there is no right or wrong balance, they are all issues that need to be solved in parenting.

There is another point that everyone is particularly anxious about: height. The criteria for judging children's health are actually very clear. As long as the child's height is within the range of ±2SD for children of the same age and gender, and the annual growth rate reaches the standard, the child is considered healthy. Unless there are pathological factors, no additional intervention is required. But when it comes to parenting, it’s endless: some parents force their children to jump 1,000 highs every day and have to go to bed at 9 o’clock ； Some parents think that since both parents are not tall, the baby can grow normally and there is no need to worry about a few centimeters. ； Some people prefer to believe health product advertisements and secretly feed their children "nutritional tablets" that are said to help them grow taller. Instead, they suffer from premature puberty and step on the red line of health. Oh, yes, even in the field of children's health itself, there are different schools of judgment: Western medicine for child care looks at growth curves, bone age, and growth hormone indicators, while traditional Chinese medicine for child care pays more attention to spleen and stomach transportation and nutrient absorption. Some experts say to supplement calcium and exercise more, while others say not to over-intervene and let nature take its course. These controversies themselves will also bring more variables to parents' parenting choices.

To use an inappropriate analogy, children's health is like the passing line for a driving school exam. If you pass this line, it means that your basic status is qualified. The rules are clear and the scoring standards are unified.； But parenting is the whole process of driving on the road after you get your driver's license. Which way you go, how fast you drive, whether you want to take a detour to buy a cup of milk tea, whether you want a passenger in the passenger seat, all depends on your own needs and choices. No one can say that a certain way of driving is absolutely correct.

Of course, this does not mean that the two are completely unrelated. After all, the baseline of children's health is the prerequisite for all parenting choices. You can't let your child stay up until 11 o'clock every day to go to bed in order to let him learn a few more knowledge points. In the end, his height will fall behind and his immunity will decline. That is stepping on the red line of health for the purpose of parenting, which is definitely not advisable. But as long as the baby is above the health baseline, there is really no need to use the health yardstick to criticize one's parenting choices: it doesn't matter if the baby eats some junk food occasionally, as long as the overall diet is balanced. ； It doesn't matter if the baby goes to bed late occasionally, as long as the overall schedule is regular ； It doesn't even matter if the child falls down and breaks his skin occasionally. He can learn from it to pay attention to safety, which is not a bad thing.

To be honest, I have seen babies who were raised very meticulously and whose calories were accurately calculated for every complementary meal, but whose babies got sick every three days. I have also seen babies whose parents were very arrogant and whose babies were rolling in the mud every day but were as strong as tiger cubs. In the final analysis, health is for you, and parenting is the path you choose. Don’t tie your hands and feet with standardized standards. Raising your baby happily and the whole family is comfortable is better than anything else.