The differences and connections between parenting and child health

Parenting is the sum of parenting practices covering all dimensions of children’s growth, while children’s health is the core baseline in the parenting goal system. The two are the relationship between the “action set” and the “core anchor”—the boundaries are clear, but they are always deeply bound and influence each other, and there is no possibility of being completely separated.

Many people tend to confuse these two things. In fact, the boundaries are quite different when separated. I have been a child-rearing coach for 7 years, and I have encountered too many parents who have stepped on this cognitive pit: before, a mother came and asked, saying that her 4-year-old child still likes to chew his hands. Is there a health problem? After asking around, I found out that she was usually busy and rarely played with her baby. The baby's chewing on her hands was actually a sign that her emotions were not being comforted. It was a lack of parenting and was not a physical health problem at all. On the other hand, there is also an elderly person in another family who always feels that the baby is "too thin and has not been fed well." They try to feed the baby in various ways, and the child's BMI has already exceeded the standard and is still supplementing it. This is confusing the feeding aspect of parenting with the scientific standards of children's health.

To be honest, the scope of parenting is really too broad: teaching your child to be polite is parenting, guiding your child to deal with conflicts with friends is parenting, even building blocks with your baby, choosing interest classes for him, and discussing the plots of cartoons with him are all parenting. Moreover, there are many schools of parenting nowadays. The Positive Discipline School advocates empathizing first, the Natural Parenting School advocates less intervention and more letting go, and the Traditional Parenting School values ​​the establishment of rules. Each has its own logic. As long as the bottom line is not stepped on, it is difficult to say who is right and who is wrong. However, the standards for children's health are relatively clear. WHO has long given a three-dimensional definition: in addition to being free of physical diseases, they must also have a complete mental state and social adaptability. This line is a hard one. No matter which parenting philosophy you believe in, you cannot allow your child to suffer from long-term sleep deprivation or malnutrition, nor allow your child to live in anxiety and fear every day. If this line is touched, no matter how good the parenting method is, it will be in vain.

But if you really make a clear distinction between these two things and think that "childcare is childcare and health is health," then you will most likely take a detour.

I came across a typical example a while ago: a mother in Shanghai, whose baby is only 5 years old, has a full schedule of literacy, English, and logic classes from Monday to Friday, as well as equestrian and piano classes on weekends. She said, "I am responsible and don't want my baby to lose at the starting line." As a result, the baby suffered from bronchitis repeatedly in the past six months, and also developed symptoms of frequent nail biting and waking up in the middle of the night to wet the bed. She went to a child psychology department for a check-up and found that she was already suffering from mild anxiety. Are you saying she's not raising children attentively? She must have used it, but she completely forgot that children's health is the basis of parenting. If the skin is not there, how will the hair be attached?

There are still two schools of thought arguing fiercely on the Internet. One school says, "Health is the first priority, and everything else is illusory. As long as the baby is in good health, he will be successful when he grows up." The other school says, "The competition is so fierce now that if you don't have a good baby, your baby will not be able to keep up in the future, and the probability of mental illness is higher." I have come across hundreds of family cases, and to be fair, no one is absolutely right. For example, for babies born prematurely and with low birth weight, their health must be prioritized in the first two years. They must pursue weight and exercise, and have to wait for any enlightenment. ； But if you have a healthy and energetic child, and you let him play stupidly at home every day, he will easily lose his temper if he cannot vent his energy. If you can provide some enlightenment while playing, it will be more in line with his psychological needs.

Seriously, how can there be so many black and white boundaries when raising children? You make complementary food for your baby, knead the green vegetables he doesn't like into small cakes in a different way, and teach him to recognize "this is green spinach". Isn't this nutritional supplement and cognitive enlightenment at the same time? Take your child to the park to play, and you let him run and chase butterflies on his own, while guiding him to exchange toys with other children. Isn't this exercising both physical and social skills at the same time? I had been struggling before. I originally planned to take my baby to ride a balance bike on the weekend to practice physical fitness, but the night before he said he wanted to spend a whole day playing Lego at home. I was originally worried that sitting still for a whole day would affect his digestion, but then I simply adjusted and let him play a pillow fight for 15 minutes after 40 minutes of playing. It not only satisfies his interests, but also does not delay the amount of exercise. It is the best of both worlds.

In fact, to put it bluntly, parenting is like taking your baby on an adventure. You can choose which way to go, which flowers to stop and look at, and whether to step on a small puddle when you encounter it. However, children's health is the safe ground under your feet. You can walk however you want, and you can never step on the ground and fall into the ditch. There is no standardized answer to raising a baby. There is no need to apply any formula. Just observe the condition of your baby more and keep a firm grasp of the bottom line of health. No matter how you raise a baby, it will not make any difference.