The difference between parenting and child health is

The difference between parenting and children's health is that the former is a dynamic support system for children throughout their growth process, while the latter is a bottom-line guarantee that focuses on the normal operation of children's physical and psychological functions. The two are intertwined but never overlapping.

Not long ago, when I was helping to educate parents in the child care department, I met a sad-faced mother. Her 3-year-old baby had just started kindergarten and had caught two colds in half a month. Her grandma chased after her and said, "You don't wear enough clothes for your baby, and you don't have the right complementary foods. It's because you don't pay enough attention to parenting that your baby is always sick." She shed tears when she told her. You see, this is the most common mistake many people make: directly equating children's health problems with the success or failure of parenting.

Let’s first break down the core of children’s health. Whether it is the mainstream Western medicine child care system in China, or the traditional Chinese medicine pediatrics that pays attention to syndrome differentiation and conditioning, or even the natural medicine school that many people now advocate, the criteria for judging children's health are essentially "up to standard" - the growth curve is in the normal range of 3%-97%, there are no organic diseases, the psychological development is in line with the characteristics of the corresponding age group, and the basic activities such as eating, sleeping, and socializing can be completed normally, a child is considered healthy. Take the child who keeps catching colds just now. The blood test showed no immune deficiencies. Every time he caught a cold, he recovered on his own within a week. His height and weight were above the median line. The child care doctor said on the spot that he was completely healthy. The "parenting failure" that grandma said was simply untenable.

If children's health is the factory-qualified test of a mobile phone, if all functions can run normally and there are no fatal bugs, then parenting is the personalized debugging after you get the mobile phone. They are also healthy babies. Some are born with a love of running and jumping. After school, they play wildly in the community until dark without wanting to go home. Some just like to sit and draw quietly, without moving for two or three hours. ； Some chattered non-stop and took the initiative to say hello to neighbors when they saw them. Some hid behind their parents when they saw strangers, and it took them a long time to say "Hello, aunt". As long as these symptoms do not reach the pathological level of "ADHD" or "social disorder", they are not within the scope of health considerations, but they are all issues that must be taken over by parenting: you need to find suitable discharge channels for the active child, leave enough space for the quiet child to be alone, and give the slow-heated child a sufficient sense of security, without forcing him to become a "social cow".

Oh, by the way, the debate between academic circles and public opinion on the boundary between the two has never stopped. Scholars in the field of public health have repeatedly emphasized that children's health is affected by genetics, environment, and medical conditions, accounting for more than 70% of the impact. In fact, the space for parents to intervene is very limited. Don't scold parents for "not knowing how to take care of children" whenever problems such as myopia, dental caries, and allergies appear.” ； However, in order to sell courses and products, many parenting bloggers on the market deliberately generalize health issues into parenting KPIs, such as "eat these three things so that the baby will not get sick for a year" and "do this well so that the baby will be 10 centimeters taller than his peers." The essence is to change the concept and package the bottom line of health into an "excellent standard" that requires money and effort to achieve, which creates anxiety for parents.

I have been doing children's behavioral intervention for almost 7 years, and I have seen too many parents who confuse the two. Last year, a father came to me with his 6-year-old son, saying that the child was too introverted and "maybe he has some kind of mental illness." After a series of evaluations, he found that the child was completely normal. He is just naturally slow-tempered, likes to play with a few familiar friends, and doesn't like to talk in unfamiliar environments. He is completely healthy. But the father couldn't accept it. He said, "Other people's children can be the host of a party, but my child doesn't even dare to perform on stage. I have failed in parenting." He forced the child to sign up for two eloquence classes. He practiced self-introduction at home every day and simulated being on stage. Later, the child directly developed anxiety symptoms such as vomiting before going to school and crying whenever class was mentioned. Instead, he really developed psychosomatic problems. You see, if the passing mark of health is regarded as the perfect mark of parenting, the child will suffer in the end.

Of course, that doesn't mean the two are completely unrelated. For example, a long-term high-stress environment for chicken babies will indeed increase the probability of the baby suffering from psychosomatic diseases such as tics and allergic rhinitis. ； On the other hand, if the child has congenital health problems, such as asthma or congenital heart disease, the rhythm of parenting must be adjusted accordingly. The parenting standards for ordinary children cannot be imposed and he must be required to run 800 meters like his classmates.

After all, parents really don’t need to tighten themselves up so much. First of all, grasp the bottom line of children's health. It is good to be free from illness and pain, able to eat and sleep, and emotionally stable. There is no standard answer to the rest of the parenting part. Following the child's nature is much more useful than messing around with the so-called "excellent parenting templates".