The differences and connections between parenting and children’s health

The former is the implementation path, and the latter is an important goal and decision-making reference. There is no one who includes whom, and it can never be viewed in isolation.

Not long ago, she was having dinner with a colleague who was doing community science popularization. She said that when we were leaving, she was pulled by an old man and asked: "You people who are doing parenting science popularization, are you just teaching us how to dress our babies to avoid catching colds, and what to eat to make them grow taller?" ”Don't tell me, many people have this misunderstanding, thinking that parenting means taking care of children's health. In fact, the evaluation systems of the two are far different.

There is never a unified standard for the quality of parenting. Your child is willing to take the initiative to say hello to strangers, can get up without crying when hurt by a fall, and is willing to share things he likes with children. This is a well-raised child. ； Although my child is socially anxious, he is well-raised because he can sit still, play Lego for an afternoon, and dare to say "no" when something is unfair. The views of different schools on parenting are even further apart: supporters of American-style happy parenting put the child's independent will first, while traditional Chinese parenting places more emphasis on the child's understanding of rules and physical fitness. The popular "elite parenting" in recent years even includes academic rankings and specialty levels into evaluation dimensions. To put it bluntly, parenting is a very personal family practice, and a thousand families have a thousand sets of implementation standards.

However, there is a relatively objective evaluation system for children's health. The current mainstream in academic circles follows the WHO's definition: health is not just "the absence of illness", but a complete state of physical, mental and social adaptability. However, the judgment priorities in different fields are also different: pediatric clinicians pay more attention to physiological indicators. If height, weight, head circumference, blood routine, and organ function are within the normal range, even if they are healthy ； Child psychiatrists will pay more attention to emotional state and social function. Whether they have anxiety tendencies and whether they can get along normally with peers are the core judgment criteria. ； Researchers in the field of public health will also incorporate group morbidity and nutritional compliance rates into health assessments. Compared with flexible parenting practices, the yardstick of health is much harder.

The bond between the two is deeper than many people imagine. I met a mother last year who was a firm believer in "happiness first". If her child wanted to eat ice cream, she would eat three at a time. If she wanted to stay up late and watch cartoons, she would watch until 11 or 12 o'clock. If she didn't want to walk, she would hug her the whole time. She said, "The most important thing is that the child is happy, and everything else is empty." As a result, during the physical examination at the age of three, the baby was 20% overweight and had three shallow cavities. The doctor said that if left unchecked, it would not only affect the development of the permanent teeth, but also risk premature development. Then she panicked and slowly adjusted her parenting rhythm: a fixed amount of snacks every day, she had to go to bed at 9:30, and she took her baby downstairs to ride a balance bike for half an hour after dinner. She went for a review after six months, and found that all the indicators were back to the normal range. The baby's mood was more stable than before because of the regular schedule, and he rarely lost his temper.

This is the most typical two-way influence: the results of children's health will in turn modify the way of parenting, and scientific parenting actions will actually improve the health of children. Interestingly, this degree of control is now the most controversial topic in the parenting circle: the liberal camp believes that restricting children's behavior for the sake of health suppresses nature and affects mental health. ； Strict people think that without a healthy foundation, any happy parenting will be a castle in the air. In fact, both sides are reasonable. I have seen cases where the baby was kept at home for fear of catching a cold, and ended up hiding from strangers. I also saw cases where the baby was allowed to play and eat wildly every day, and ended up suffering from chronic gastritis and requiring long-term treatment. There is never an absolutely correct answer, only the choice of whether it is suitable for your baby.

I have been working with children for almost six years, and my biggest feeling is not to separate the two, nor to equate them. Some parents keep an eye on their children's height and weight every day. They feel happy if they eat an extra mouthful of food and feel anxious if they sleep less than half an hour. Instead, they pass on their anxiety to their children. They learn to eat based on their parents' faces at a young age, which in turn affects their mental state. ； There are also some parents who don’t take health seriously at all, thinking that “baby’s little skin is weak”, so they wear unlined clothes to run around in winter and eat popsicles as food, which eventually leads to the root cause of the disease, which cannot be repaired no matter how hard it is.

A while ago, a parent complained to me that her child had been coughing all the time recently. She went to the hospital to find out if she was allergic to cat hair, and the doctor said it was best to send the cat away. She struggled for almost half a month and finally decided not to give it away because the cat had been her baby's "good friend" since she was two years old. During the three days she tried to give it away, the baby cried so much that she couldn't even eat. She felt that the baby's emotional health was more important than a temporary allergy. Later, she desensitized the whole house, bathed and shaved the cat regularly, and the baby's cough gradually improved. You see, this is the truest parenting decision: there is no black and white, health is an important reference, but it is never the only criterion.

After all, raising a baby is a process of dynamic adjustment. You don't have to live by the definition of "parenting" and "health". Pay more attention to the state of your own baby. If he can run, jump, be happy and secure, it will work better than any general standard.