Essay on the relationship between parenting and child health

[Core conclusions first] Parenting style is the core variable that determines the three-dimensional health level of children's physical health, mental health, and social adaptability. According to the 2023 National Children's Health Survey data from the Chinese Center for Disease Control and Prevention, the correlation between the two reaches 68.7%； At the same time, there is no universal "optimal parenting plan". Only personalized parenting strategies that adapt to the individual characteristics of children and the actual situation of the family can maximize children's health benefits.

I have been working as a grassroots child health interventionist for 11 years. I have been in contact with nearly 3,000 families. I have seen too many extreme cases. I have also heard countless parents ask "Is there a parenting template that I can directly copy?" To be honest, there is no such thing. For example, last year I met two 18-month-old girls during the child care follow-up. Both were born at full term, and the difference in birth weight was only 200 grams. During the physical examination, the difference was astonishing: one had a hemoglobin of only 98g/L, suffered from frequent constipation and allergic rhinitis for almost half a year, and the other had growth curves all stuck above the median, and had almost never been sick except for childhood rashes. What's the difference? It’s all in the parenting style. The first one is taken care of by the grandma, who chases and feeds her every moment. The rice must be boiled into soft porridge before she is willing to feed it to the child, for fear of getting stuck. The fruit must be scraped into a fine puree. Calcium, iron, zinc, and DHA supplements must be taken all day long. On a 20-degree day, she must wear three thick clothes for fear of freezing. The latter one is taken care of by the mother herself. At 10 months old, she lets her child grab and eat his own food. He is given soft rice, steamed pumpkin, and soft boiled vegetable strips. Even if the rice is mushy all over the table and floor, he will not stop him. He always wears one less piece of clothing than an adult. He never stops taking him out for an hour's run every day.

The parenting circle has been arguing about feeding for almost ten years now. One group is the "precision feeding group" led by pediatric nutritionists, which advocates accurately calculating daily calories and trace element intake, avoiding highly allergenic foods in advance, and minimizing the risk of children's diseases.； The other school is the "natural feeding school", which is dominated by child development psychologists. It believes that giving children the choice to eat independently and exercise their chewing ability and hand-eye coordination can actually improve their own immunity. My own experience is that neither of them is right or wrong. If your child is born with allergies or a weak stomach, and you insist on feeding them according to the "natural" method, there will definitely be problems. ； If your child is born with strong skin and you are stuck in feeding the gram every day, it will be easy for him to develop picky eaters. Oh, by the way, a parent asked me before if spending 30,000 yuan to sign up for a sensory integration training course would ensure that his child would get less sick. I laughed at the time. Sensory integration training is indeed helpful for coordination, but if you feed your child high-sugar snacks every day and feed them until they vomit, it will be useless no matter how hard you train them.

Compared with explicit indicators of physical health, the impact of parenting on mental health often does not appear until the child is six or seven years old or even in adolescence, and is more easily ignored by parents. Last month, I received a referral from a 12-year-old boy who is in sixth grade and is always in the top ten of his grade. He has not been able to go to school normally for half a year. As soon as he arrived at the school gate, he had stomach pain and trembling hands. After a round of checks, there was no organic disease. Finally, the psychiatrist diagnosed him with moderate anxiety. After chatting, I found out that his parents had packed his time since kindergarten. They had two interest classes every day and cram schools on weekends. Even the time spent playing Lego was calculated by the minute. If he failed to get a perfect score, he would be punished by copying three test papers.

Regarding the balance between academic pressure and mental health, the education community has been arguing for a long time. The traditional "strict sect" believes that establishing a sense of rules and cultivating the ability to resist frustration in childhood can give children an advantage in future social competition. Temporary pressure is for long-term development. ； “The "Happy Education School" believes that psychological security in childhood is the foundation of lifelong mental health, and excessive pressure can cause irreversible psychological trauma. I have met so many children. Some are born to be able to sit still and like to learn new things. If you enroll them in three interest classes, they will be very happy. Some children are born to be unable to sit still. If you force them to sit at the desk for ten minutes, it will be like torture. There is no one-size-fits-all standard.

In addition to the physical and mental aspects, the impact of parenting style on children's social adaptability is actually an important component of health, but many parents do not include this in the category of "health." There used to be two little boys in our community who had played together since childhood. Every time one parent saw his child grabbing a toy, he would immediately rush to snatch the toy back to the other side and scold his child for being "ignorant and impolite." The other parent would stand aside and watch every time, and would not intervene unless there was a real fight. Normally, the two children would be allowed to resolve their conflicts on their own. Later, when he went to elementary school, the former cried to his teachers and parents when encountering trivial matters and did not dare to communicate with his classmates. The latter was the class monitor and had a very good relationship with his classmates. He could coordinate and solve problems by himself.

Parenting concepts in different cultural backgrounds vary greatly. European and American countries encourage children to resolve conflicts on their own, while traditional East Asian parenting emphasizes humility and obedience to collective rules. In fact, both methods can raise children with strong social adaptability. The core is that you have to give your children a sufficient sense of security, rather than forcing your own social norms onto your children and forcing them to choose what you think is the "right" choice.

To be honest, the longer I work in this field, the more I feel that the relationship between parenting and health is not a precise chemical experiment - adding as many reactants as possible produces the same product, but more like planting a sapling. You can't pull it up every day to see if the roots have grown, nor can you just ignore it and let it grow crookedly. You have to watch its growth. If it likes shade, move it to a shady area; if it likes sunshine, get more sunshine. If it is short of water, pour some water. If it grows crooked, gently pull it back, so that it can grow strong. Of course, when you are really in doubt, it is safest to seek consultation from a professional child care provider, pediatrician or child psychologist, and do not blindly follow internet celebrity parenting methods.

Oh, yes, one last thing to add, a previous study on children's health that has been tracked for ten years said that parents' emotional stability is more effective than any perfect scientific parenting process. If you quarrel at home every day, even if you achieve 100 points in all parenting standards, it will be difficult for your children to be healthy. I really agree with this.