Emotion regulation methods include

At present, the emotion regulation methods that have been verified by clinical psychology and have the widest application scenarios are mainly divided into four major directions: cognitive restructuring, physical intervention, attention shifting, and expression release. Different schools of psychology have their own subdivided practical techniques. There is no "optimal method" that is universally applicable. Adapting to one's current emotional state is the core.

It is very interesting to say that when most people have an emotional breakdown, the first thing they can use is the least "high-end" physical intervention method. Last week, I received a visitor who had just been scolded by the leader in public. He was also stepped on by someone's white shoes while squeezing in the subway. When he got home, he was kicked into the cat litter box and his whole body collapsed. He sat on the ground and howled until he couldn't breathe. At this time, you told him that "you need to adjust your cognitive leadership. The leadership is not directed at you." I asked him to do what I did: clenched his fists and held them for 10 seconds, then suddenly released them, three times in a row, and then flushed the pulse point on his wrist with cold water for 30 seconds. Within 2 minutes, he was breathing smoothly. Don't tell me, I also use this trick when I'm stuck in a traffic jam. It's much easier than counting 478 breaths. After all, when I'm in a hurry, I can even count to 3 wrong. Oh, by the way, the popular mindfulness and progressive muscle relaxation actually fall into this category. They are very useful for long-term adjustment of emotional base, but in acute outbreaks, they are not as effective as clenching fists and pouring cold water on them.

When the mood becomes a little calmer, if you want to fundamentally avoid getting angry over the same thing next time, most people will use cognitive restructuring methods. However, this method is also the most controversial. Some people complain that it is "Ah Q's spiritual victory method". In fact, the two are far different: Ah Q forcibly brainwashes himself "I won", but cognitive reconstruction unfolds the whole story of the event without judgment. I once had a visitor who worked in operations. She always felt that the leader was targeting her. Every time the leader frowned and walked past her work station, she would feel anxious for a long time. Later, I asked her to list the situations in the past month when she felt "the leader was targeting me" and check the reasons one by one: twice, the leader had just been scolded by the headquarters for performance, once when his child had a fever and was quarreling with his wife, and once when the leader forgot to put on his glasses in the morning and could not see the road clearly, it had nothing to do with her. This is also the core technique of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), but the humanistic school often raises objections: Don’t rush to adjust your cognition, can you allow yourself to be unhappy first? Forcing yourself to "think more openly" is essentially suppressing your emotions. This is true, after all, no one stipulates that people must be "positive" all the time.

Not everyone likes to get to the bottom of things. When some people get emotional, they don’t want to worry about who is right and who is wrong. They just want to remove the stuffy feeling stuck in their chests. At this time, the method of diverting attention is just right. For example, after an argument with your partner, you are so angry that you are shaking, and you force yourself downstairs to buy a glass of ice cream and walk around twice, or you pet your cat for two minutes or watch a funny cat and dog joke for 10 seconds. After the momentum has passed, you won't say hurtful words like "break up." However, there are also differences in academic circles on this method: some researchers believe that deliberately diverting attention is to suppress emotions into the subconscious. If you accumulate too much, sooner or later, you will explode. ； Another part of empirical research shows that for people who are on the verge of losing control, spending 5 minutes to divert their attention to avoid impulsive behavior can do more good than harm. If you drop your phone or break up, the cost of regret will be much higher.

There is also a type of expression and release method, which is suitable for that state where the emotions are stuck in the chest and cannot be said to be particularly uncomfortable, but it is awkward to do anything. It doesn’t mean you have to find a friend to complain to for three hours. Nowadays, many people are social and don’t want to bring negative emotions to others. Then write an emotional diary. You don’t have to write in an orderly manner. Of course, there are different views here: The psychoanalytic school believes that as long as emotions are seen and expressed, healing is completed. ； However, the behavioral school reminds you not to say the same sad thing to different people over and over again. The more times you say it, the more firmly the negative neural pathways will be strengthened, making it harder to get out.

I have been doing psychological counseling for nearly 6 years, and I have seen too many people copying other people's "standard adjustment methods." I was just a little sad at first, and they had to force myself to use "more advanced" cognitive reconstruction. But I couldn't figure it out for a long time, and instead blamed myself for my "poor emotional management ability", which directly made my emotions worse. To be honest, there is nothing high or low about emotional regulation. Just like some people like to eat rice when they are hungry, and some people like to eat noodles when they are hungry. If you are sad and can feel better by running 5 kilometers, then go for a run. ； If you can get better by crying under the quilt for half an hour, then go ahead and cry. The method that can help you get through the emotional lows smoothly without harming yourself or others is the best method, no matter which category it belongs to.