What should people with poor emotional management do?

I have been doing emotional regulation group counseling for three years and have seen hundreds of people who are troubled by "emotional instability". To be honest, the most practical solution is not to force yourself to become a "temperless perfect person", but to first create a temporary buffer zone for your emotions for 1-2 minutes, and do not make any decisions at the peak of your emotions.

In the past, there were always debates about whether emotions should be "drained" or "blocked." Those who supported sparing said that holding it in for a long time would be harmful to the body, while those who supported blocking said that losing one's temper would ruin relationships. There are real examples on both sides. Last time, there was a girl who worked in Internet operations in the group assistant. She used to believe that "emotions should be vented in time." After the eight-version plan was changed, she turned around and scolded the colleague who made the request in the department group. It was refreshing for half an hour. In the next half month, no one wanted to talk to her in cross-department docking. ； There is also a boy who works in back-end development. He has always asked himself to "be emotionally stable as an adult". The product was changed for three weeks in a row without even complaining. Last month, he was hospitalized for stomach pain. It was found that it was a gastric ulcer induced by long-term emotional backlog.

In fact, both sides are right, but they both fall into the same trap - always trying to react to emotions immediately, either exploding or suppressing them immediately, without leaving any buffer space for themselves.

I later taught the operations girl that the next time she felt blood rushing to her head and started to tremble when speaking, don't open your mouth, find a place where no one is around and stand for 120 seconds. You don't have to force yourself to "calm down", just count your breaths. Each exhalation and inhalation counts as one. Count 120 times before deciding whether to speak. She tried it for half a month, and last week she told me that the last time she encountered a colleague, she blamed her again. She was already ready to slam the table, but she just went to the stairwell and stood for two minutes. When she came back, she didn't curse anyone, but only posted her work record in the group, but no one dared to give her any more work.

To put it bluntly, it is actually very simple. Emotional peaks are like floods passing through. No matter you build a dam to block it or directly open the gate to release it, it will cause disaster. Dig a temporary reservoir first to slow down. When the water level drops, it will be easier to divert it. I always tell students that emotions are like uninvited guests. You don’t need to push people out as soon as you open the door, and you don’t need to spend all your money to entertain them immediately. Let them stand at the entrance for two minutes while you change your shoes and drink water, and then decide how to deal with them.

Of course, some people say that I can’t count at all when I’m angry. This is normal. There is no need to copy the buffering method. Some people just put a stress-relieving ball in their drawer and squeeze it for two minutes. Some people can relieve themselves by squatting in the toilet for 5 minutes and watching two funny short videos. Some people even type a bunch of meaningless swear words in a memo to vent their anger. As long as you don’t spread your emotions on irrelevant people, there is no standard answer to how it works.

By the way, don’t always label yourself as having “poor emotional management”. I’ve seen too many people scold themselves for being useless after losing their temper. Originally there was only one layer of anger, but with another layer of self-denying guilt, the double pressure will make it easier for them to collapse next time. It's normal to lose your temper occasionally, as long as you don't let your emotions lead you to do something you regret. After all, what we want to do is to be the master of our emotions, not to be a robot without emotions, right?