What are some tips for emotional regulation?

I have personally tested emotional regulation methods for nearly three years, and the most useful ones are not those chicken soups about "be open-minded" and "be generous" posted on the Internet. The essence is to first bypass the tangles that are turning over in the mind, and to break through the few seconds of emotions from the physiological level. It is much more effective than suppressing emotions.

Last month, someone from across departments in the company blamed me for a failed project. At that time, I was sitting at my workstation with blood rushing to my head, and the hand holding the mouse was shaking. If I had told myself to "don't worry about the bigger picture", I would have thrown the keyboard out on the spot. I grabbed the cup and went to the tea room. When I received the water, I deliberately received a cup of warm lemonade. When I held the cup, the temperature on my fingertips slowly came up. I deliberately stared at the water for 30 seconds and counted 10 times. When I turned back to face the other party's message, most of my anger had disappeared, and I could even calmly look through the chat records to find evidence. Speaking of which, this is actually the work of "embodied cognition" in psychology. Your physical feelings will in turn affect your emotions. If your body relaxes first, your emotions will not be so intense.

Of course, some friends say that this method only treats the symptoms but not the root cause. The next time something happens, you will still be angry. This is indeed true. If you just rely on physiological adjustments to get over it every time, if you accumulate too much emotion, you will still find other outlets to emerge. So after the momentum has passed, I will occasionally find a sticky note and write down something. It is not as troublesome as writing an emotional diary, but it is to "give a name" to the current emotion. Don't just say "I am unhappy", but clarify what it feels like: is it the grievance of being wronged? Or are you unwilling to work hard without being seen? Or are you simply annoyed that the other person's actions are too unreliable? I had an argument with my mother a while ago, and I felt more and more uncomfortable as I sat in my room thinking about it. I even felt that my mother didn't care about me at all, so I casually wrote on a note, "I was angry just now because I told her three times that I didn't like celery, but she still put it in my bowl. I was wronged." The demand was not heard, and she didn’t target me intentionally.” After writing this, the stone in my chest seemed to loosen half of it. This is actually the function of emotional labeling. Once you clarify the vague emotions, they will stop running around in your mind.

If you didn't even have the energy to stand up and get the water, there is a lazier way. Find a corner where no one is paying attention, press your lips into a line and tighten it for 10 seconds and then release it. Do this three or four times in a row. You will find that when the muscles in your entire face relax, the tension in your heart will also relax a little. When I was working on an important project until three in the morning, I became more and more annoyed by the bugs on the screen. I even wanted to turn off the computer and leave. I relied on this small action to survive the final finishing time.

In fact, emotions are very much like springs. The harder you press them down, the stronger they will bounce back. If you loosen your hand first and give them a little buffering space, they will not jump so high that they will scare you. In the past two years, I always loved to compete with myself. When I was angry, I would hold it in and pretend that it was okay. In the end, I would hold it in until I had hot pot with my friends and burst into tears because the tripe was so cooked. Now, instead of fighting with my emotions, I would first follow its momentum and find a small opening to vent my anger. On the contrary, I rarely have that kind of emotional breakdown anymore.

Of course, some people say that these little tricks are just scratching the surface, and are of no use when you really encounter big things like love breakup or unemployment. I agree with this. When you are really in a strong emotional impact, don’t rely on these little tricks to cope with it. Instead, find a friend. Just complain, and don't be embarrassed to seek professional psychological counseling. These tips are meant to help you deal with those sudden little emotions in your daily life that are not serious enough to require help from someone. Don't treat them as a panacea that can cure all diseases.