Emotion management blackboard

Emotional management has never been about "eliminating negative emotions" or "always smiling". The core is "you have the final say, not your emotions" - you can get angry, but you won't ruin your job by getting angry.； You can be sad, but you won’t be so stuck in your emotions that you forget to eat. ； You can be anxious, but you won’t be so scared that you can’t even take the first step.

Let me tell you a real example that I encountered a while ago. Xiao Zhou, who works in Internet operations, rushed to the 618 promotion last month and had a quarrel with the product department over the rules of the event. She was afraid of being called "emotionally unstable" by her colleagues, so she suppressed the anger and even pretended to be fine even when having dinner with friends after get off work. As a result, on the third day, not only was her aunt unable to stand up in pain, but she also sent the physical therapy device she bought for her mother to the old address of the company where she left last year. It took almost a week to get it back. You see, the cost of suppressing emotions is much greater than getting angry quickly. This is also the biggest misunderstanding of 90% of people about emotional management: they always feel that "it is something wrong with me if I have negative emotions."

Regarding how to deal with emotions, there are actually two different schools of thought in the psychology circle. There is no one who is right or wrong. It is just suitable for people with different personalities. One is the Cognitive Behavioral Stream (CBT) that everyone has heard of a lot. To put it bluntly, it means "changing your mind." You are not angry because your colleague took your credit. It is because the thought that "he just looks down on me and deliberately targets me" pops up in your mind. If you change your mind to "he takes credit this time and the boss will always see my work next time," most of your anger will be gone in an instant. The kind of friends around me who are dominated by rational brains are particularly fond of this. When encountering something, they must figure out clearly in advance "is it a problem with things or my thoughts", and rarely let their emotions lead them. The other school is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which has become popular in recent years. This group of practitioners feels that changing your mind is too anti-human. You don't have to force yourself to "think more openly". You can just allow yourself to be angry and sad, and replace "I am an irritable waste" with "I am in an angry state now."

I have been doing emotional companionship myself for almost three years. I have tried no less than 20 methods. I can only mention a few that are really useful. There is no need to distinguish them as high or low. You just need to use them smoothly. Oh, by the way, if you are the kind of person who has a short temper and your mind goes blank when you are angry, don't believe in "take a deep breath and count to 10". I have tried it, and when I count to the third count, I want to throw something. Take a bite of a mint when you are in bed, or apply wind oil essence on your temples. The moment the coolness rushes up, you can regain some sense. This is called "body anchor point". I have helped more than a dozen angry users, and everyone who has tried it said it works. If you are the kind of person who likes to ponder, just find a sticky note and write three sentences: the first sentence is about what emotion I am feeling now, the second sentence is about why I feel this emotion, and the third sentence is about what I want to do most now. After writing, you will find that the emotion is no longer so overwhelming - after all, breaking down the vague feelings into specific words is taking back the initiative.

By the way, I would like to say a few words about the statement that "emotional stability is the best match for adults" that has been making a lot of noise online recently. I have seen both sides of the argument: Some people think this is PUA in the workplace. Why should I hold back after being wronged? Some people say that being emotionally stable can really save you a lot of unnecessary troubles. In fact, both sides are right. What is wrong is that everyone equates "emotional stability" with "not getting angry or sad." I have seen too many people talk about being emotionally stable, but turn around and vent their anger on their family members, or suppress themselves until they have insomnia and hair loss. This is not emotional management at all, but emotional abuse. You see, the mother I met in a cafe last time did a great job. Her child ran around and spilled milk tea all over her. She neither pretended to be okay nor held it in, nor scolded her child for letting him out. Instead, she squatted down and said to her child, "Mom is a little angry now. Please stand aside and wait for me for 2 minutes, and I will calm down for a while." Isn't this more comfortable than the hard-charging "perfect mother" persona?

In fact, there are no knowledge points that must be memorized in this blackboard. After all, emotions are something that people are born with. You can't blame the weather for raining, right? If you can catch it, catch it. If you can't catch it, find a place where no one is around to yell, go downstairs and ride on a shared bicycle for 10 minutes. Whatever makes you feel comfortable. Oh, by the way, if you happen to be emo today or you can't hold back your anger, don't call yourself useless. This is normal. After all, we are all ordinary people, not emotionless robots.